everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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