He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Michael Bay diarrhea
time to smoke my breakfast
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
