if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
