Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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