two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
