just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
