I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize