Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
