The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
