i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
