Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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