i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
