Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
