Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize