Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize