i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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