dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
