I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
even my farts smell like vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
