I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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