My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
