so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize