she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
