Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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