She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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