First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
