Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
