is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
