I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
