do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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