why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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