Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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