im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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