I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You don't make any sense
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