I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
