What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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