Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
