I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
