I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
