we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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