Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
