you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
