I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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