Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize