don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
