Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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