1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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