so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
