Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
3pm strippers are depressing
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
