i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
