There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
