we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
