He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
