Michael Bay diarrhea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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