remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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