My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
