Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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