I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
