shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
