Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
