i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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