if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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