You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
