you traded sex for a burrito?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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