my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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