If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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