i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize